miss_merry — blackwellcopy

How I Convinced a Woman to Befriend Me

I met a woman in the sauna. I had just eaten a bunch of garlic. I asked her if it ‘smelled like garlic in here.’ Everyone laughed. She left. I later saw her on a dating app and asked if it was ‘the girl from the sauna.’ It was. Moments later, she ‘defriended’ me. Some time went by and I saw her in public. She shared where she worked. I looked her up on the company website and wrote her this email. Now we’re friends. #notastalker

Do You Trust Your Land Trust? (subject line was an employment reference)

Hi [alliterative nickname],

James Blackwell here, your handsome, upright, and bulb-eating acquaintance.

I hope you had fun at the Gala.

Now, the reason for this email has nothing to do with that stupid subject line, but is rather to share that, like you, I have a lot of responsibility during this phase of life. However, I also want some goddamn friends. And, I want them to be women. Because, well, you know, the energy. Granted, gay guys would probably work too, but for now I’ll stick with what I know (besides, they may want a little more than I have to offer). Can you dig it?

So, if you’d like to hang sometime, shoot me a text. No games. No baloney. I have no expectations, nor do I want anything from you¹. I also assume (based on what you included in your OKC profile) that we are in different places, have different goals and I am not what you're looking for in that department. But, I know you think I’m funny, I think you're interesting, and the interconnectedness of the god-nature or whatever the fuck is clearly hell-bent on the slow and steady growth of our budding relationship. Plus, I live next to the dog park - so let me know.

979-373-8495

P.S. If you are not interested, no problem. But be warned, the next time we inevitably cross paths, I will bring up this email. AND IT WILL BE &^#$%@! AWKWARD!

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1. I believe this is called ‘lowering the bar to entry.’

↓ Here’s that pudding ↓

Smucker Exteriors/E&E (General Contracting)

Tristate Buildings (Post-frame Construction)

Precise Builder (SaaS)

Farmco/PA Harness (Agricultural)

Dig Digital (Creative Marketing for Farmers)

Integro 212 (Business Consultancy)

LAZYAF (Fintech for Lazy Asses)

NSI Industries (Electrical Widgets for Electricians)

Fitt Insider (Fitness Industry News)

Blackwell’s Trumpet Basics (Online Trade School)

CoPilot (Personal Training App)

Short Product Descriptions

Essays

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